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I used to want to be so many things.

I called it ambition.

At first I was apologetic for this ambition.

Then I learned to embrace it.

To be proud of it.

I wanted to be a millionaire, to speak on big stages, to be fluent in five languages, to lose ten pounds, to solve the hunger problem.

Because of ambition…

I learned how to take action despite fear and self-doubt, and that was a good thing.

I learned how to want what I wanted without apologizing, and that was a good thing.

I learned how to set goals despite the judgment of others, and that was a good thing too.

But I rarely ever felt contentment.

Everything was rush, rush, rush. Do, do, do. Measure, measure, measure.

Because underneath the ambition that I worked so hard to cultivate was fear — a fear of mediocrity.

As if mediocre were a disease.

What I realized is that mediocrity is nothing but a label. It is the attachment to an identity, in my case, the attachment to the idea that I have to be something “special,” that is the real disease.

I have released the need to live up to any sort of potential, to be special or a success.

You want to know what happens when you stop worrying about being mediocre?

You get to do whatever the fuck you want.

This. Is. Freedom.

Ironically, there is something incredibly un-mediocre about not giving a fuck about mediocrity.

There is a purity in it. There is joy, love and compassion in it.

That saturates every mundane, mediocre thing with a kind of magic.

I want to love from this place.

I want to create from this place.

I want to exist in this magic and see what happens.

Cozification and Other Strange Urges

In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck shares a concept called “the urge to merge.” It’s an “intense, almost chemical reaction that comes out of nowhere that makes some person, place or thing so attractive to you that for a while you can’t think about much else.”... read more

8 Life Lessons from the Game of Tennis

Yesterday I had my first ever city league tennis match. I won. Barely. By a 10-point tie-breaker (12-10). Warming up with my opponent, I was pretty sure I had her. I started strong. In fact, I was starting to feel preemptively sorry for her. Somehow managing to... read more

21 Tips for a High Vibe, Happy Life

A few years ago I came up with this list of 21 things (and counting) that over the years have helped me to get into a high vibe, happy place. Because no matter how chaotic it feels, you still deserve to be happy. And you being a stressed out, angry basket case... read more

10k is 10k

  That’s me living the life at Glacier National Park. I’m back and things are rocking and rolling — I wanted to give you a few updates. The other day I got my results back from the Strenghsfinder. If you’re not familiar, it’s an online... read more

Princess Amy – NOT!

When I got married years ago, I was under the impression that it was up to my husband to meet my needs and anticipate what I wanted (and give it to me). Princess anyone? I didn’t realize it at the time, but I saw myself as a piece of property. Like a nice watch or a... read more