Last week I posted to my blog after a year-long hiatus. In true form, I shared a lot of myself. It’s interesting, the me of 2017 was much more willing to do these things. But the me of 2023 feels so much more deeply. There are so many feels. There is self-doubt. There... read more
I don’t know about you, but 2022 was a year of whiplash and vertigo, great highs and low lows. Disappointment. Joy. Everything else in between. Somebody smart once said that “all great things are proceeded by chaos.” Well, say what you will about chaos, I find it fertile ground for perspective shifts and insight. 2022 did not disappoint. Here are a few of my aha moments from last year…
“Imagine you are looking at a rainbow.” It was a Saturday night and I was lying on my bed listening to Srikumar Rao talk about happiness. “You don’t say to yourself, ‘that’s a beautiful rainbow but it needs a little more color or it needs to be closer to that... read more
The photo above is my beautiful daughter taken at a mystical spot on Mount Shasta on her thirteenth birthday. The photo was taken by Paul of Venus. Years ago I learned a prayer from the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda. It goes like this: Please guide me from... read more
Hey. I haven’t written in weeks. Honestly I haven’t because I’m not feeling helpful or inspiring. 2020 and early 2021 have humbled me. If the past thirteen odd months have shown me anything, these months have shown me that I don’t know shit. It’s unsettling to not... read more
“I love you.” I’m trying to get my kids to tell themselves “I love you,” every time they see themselves in the mirror. They are twelve and ten now, so they roll their eyes at me. In the entry there is a giant mirror. Joy does cartwheels in front of it. Now she makes a... read more
I used to want to be so many things. I called it ambition. At first I was apologetic for this ambition. Then I learned to embrace it. To be proud of it. I wanted to be a millionaire, to speak on big stages, to be fluent in five languages, to lose ten pounds, to solve... read more
“The world is messy; there are ambiguities. People who do really good stuff have flaws. People who you are fighting may love their kids, and share certain things with you.” – Barack Obama Lots of things got cancelled this year, parties, sports, performances… and... read more
Yesterday I spent most of the morning tinkering around the house. I did a little laundry, I fixed a nutcracker, ordered a shower cap from amazon. You know, trivial things. I can’t even remember what the hell I did for two hours… You know what else? I loved it. I made... read more
In Finding Your Own North Star, Martha Beck shares a concept called “the urge to merge.” It’s an “intense, almost chemical reaction that comes out of nowhere that makes some person, place or thing so attractive to you that for a while you can’t think about much else.”... read more
The other day I made tentative plans with a friend to do something over the weekend. The day before, I realized I had to do some “momming” (this is my new word for running around like a decapitated chicken trying to get kids places on time), so I texted her to cancel.... read more
Yesterday I had my first ever city league tennis match. I won. Barely. By a 10-point tie-breaker (12-10). Warming up with my opponent, I was pretty sure I had her. I started strong. In fact, I was starting to feel preemptively sorry for her. Somehow managing to... read more
We adults take life too seriously. And it shuts down our ability to access our genius. If you are even a little bit familiar with greek mythology, you have most likely heard of muses. They are the goddesses of inspiration of literature, science and the arts.... read more
A few years ago I came up with this list of 21 things (and counting) that over the years have helped me to get into a high vibe, happy place. Because no matter how chaotic it feels, you still deserve to be happy. And you being a stressed out, angry basket case... read more
Over the past several weeks I have had several emails from folks compelled to write to me about my use of “profanity.” So I thought I would respond to one of them. Amy, It is disappointing and downright disrespectful for me to receive email laced with profanity. Do... read more
That’s me living the life at Glacier National Park. I’m back and things are rocking and rolling — I wanted to give you a few updates. The other day I got my results back from the Strenghsfinder. If you’re not familiar, it’s an online... read more
When I got married years ago, I was under the impression that it was up to my husband to meet my needs and anticipate what I wanted (and give it to me). Princess anyone? I didn’t realize it at the time, but I saw myself as a piece of property. Like a nice watch or a... read more
I remember the first ever time I walked into a Burn Cycle class. My friend invited me to go with her… “First time?” She asked. “Yes…” I replied. That’s when she raised her eyebrows and gave me an ominous look that said sarcastically, “good luck.” Just getting on the... read more
This morning my daughter went MIA before school. We only had 10 minutes left before it was time to leave for the bus and she still hadn’t finished her homework, eaten any breakfast, brushed her teeth or put on her shoes. I found her outside barefoot with some neighbor... read more
I was born into a chaotic household. My parents were addicts. My three older sisters were teenagers, barely supervised, who were expected to take care of me and eventually my little brother who was born a few years later. My mom called herself a functional drunk. She... read more
I have a subscription to a program called Master Writer. It helps me find synonyms, phrases, verbs… basically different words I could use when I’m stuck in my writing. Looking up a word in Master Writer requires me to load the app in my browser. Inevitably... read more
Why did you do it? This is number one question I get when people see me for the first time since I shaved my head. There are many layers to this answer. One is practical. Sitting in a chair for two hours is just TOO MUCH for me. Plus it’s expensive, and probably... read more
So… I shaved my head last week. Well, I didn’t. My hair stylist, Morgan, did. Since then, I’ve heard the phrase, “pull it off,” many times. Things like… “You have a good face, you can pull it off. ” Or… “I’ve thought about shaving my head, but I could never pull it... read more
I am thinking a lot about pretty. All my life, I have aspired to be seen as acceptable in your eyes. “Don’t you look pretty?” You would say and I would think to myself, I passed. I have successfully maintained the correct weight, applied the right combination of... read more
I remember when Black Lives Matter became a common meme. I didn’t get it. I was the first to think, “Wait. All lives matter.” I felt defensive, like someone was telling me that black lives matter more than other lives. What I came to realize was that of course all... read more
The other day my nine year old informed me she was going to be a baker when she grows up. “For my first project, I’m going to make cake pops,” she added. This statement filled me with hope and dread. Hope because I could see big things in her future. A... read more
Back when I had three children in diapers, I used to keep a copy of Immaculée Ilibagiza’s book Left to Tell on my nightstand. I never actually read the book. But I knew that Ilibagiza survived the Rwandan genocide by hiding 91 days with 7 other women in a 3’ x 4’... read more
Let’s talk about time. All my life I’ve had an interesting relationship to it. And now, thanks to Covid-19, things just got even more interesting. First, a little background: I am a “multi-passionate” person which means I get a lot of ideas and want to do a lot... read more
Here’s a picture of me and my girl (don’t ask me why she’s in a bathing suit. I choose my battles.) playing a board game called Spy Ally. It’s one of her favs. Let’s be real. These are scary times. We are in lock down mode over here in... read more
As the coronavirus drama continues to unfold and the economy falls a part I’m trying to stay calm and centered while maintaining a solid supply of toilet paper. In an effort to be helpful, I’ve curated a list of quarantine-proof activities for your consideration. Read... read more
“When you’re living for the approval of strangers, and that is where you derive all of your joy and fulfillment, one bad thing can cause everything to crumble” – Taylor Swift I just watched Miss Americana last night on Netflix. If you haven’t seen it, WOW.... read more
If you were ever told… Not to ask for so much. That you were a bad girl. Too sensitive. Too big for your britches. That you were a mistake. If you had no one to talk to about your fears and your losses. If you were made to feel ashamed for feeling big things. If you... read more
Sometimes Facebook brings up my shit. And Instagram…don’t even get me started. Is it just me? Those whimsical shots of fresh flowers… Someone frolicking on the beach looking like a 10 in her bikini. Somebody on safari in Africa! So-and-so’s adorable (and... read more
When I was too young to remember, my maternal Grandmother gave me a copy of Little Women. It was her favorite book. I didn’t really know this grandmother. She was quiet and shy and never really talked to me. So I was thrilled to bond with her over this book. But as... read more
One Saturday I was outside with my kids when I noticed a neighbor who just moved in running by with his little boy to the house across the street. The little boy who lived there came out to greet them and they all bounded off together. “Wow…” I thought, “those guys... read more
I have a close family member (who shall remain nameless) who is a master of what I call the “dead zinger.” What is a “dead zinger,” you ask? A “dead zinger” is an insult that goes so low it zings you every time you think about it, even years later. I... read more
The other day I discovered a world behind a world. Did you know there is something called Instagram Stories? It lives just behind the profile pic. Turns out folks are hosting live events, running cute little surveys, posting giveaways and other content that doesn’t... read more
I went to a yoga class yesterday which reminded me of a bad experience many years back when I was struggling to get pregnant and trying to “Just relax,” which was the going advice for women like me, diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I wrote about it... read more
Just finished “A Swim in the Pond in the Rain: In Which Four Russians Give a Master Class on Writing, Reading and Life” by George Saunders. One of my favorite reads of all time. Saunders offers a series of short stories by Russian icons –Chekhov and... read more
